Getting out of the grave

“Is it okay to ask Him details? Why do the same lies still hit, and will they ever go away?”

These two questions have been scrolling through my brain for awhile now. Just scrolling through over and over again, keeping me in a space of wondering- yet,the part of taking action took a hot minute. 

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Small update! We started in Costa Rica, where I served with Gracefully Broken (FFC BABY) in Jaco! It was a sweet month and a half ish filled with different ministries every day! Gracefully Broken really took me in as their own, and reminded me of His truth. Honestly, a blessing to serve alongside them, love y’all BIG! 

*at the end of of Costa Rica, everyone on the squad tested NEGATIVE for COVID!! Bless up! 

The squad is currently in Guatemala- all over the place! Most teams are near Antigua, or in Guatemala City! I’m with a team named Fuente De Vida and we are helping to build a house, and get to partake in children’s ministry and play soccer, oh and help within medical clinics! It’s so sweet to be in their space and to be here in Guate! 

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Back to those reoccurring thoughts. 

This past week my co squad leaders and I took a couple of days to sabbath after facilitating a debrief. During this time, we sat at a cafe and took time to be with the Lord. As I took in the beauty of Guate, aka the huge volcano in the distance, the Lord so gently said, “It’s time to receive the Spirit of Adoption.” WOAH. 

My heart felt heavy with anticipation and excitement, and a little bit of sadness. Sadness because it has taken me so long to get here, yet this didn’t matter-because what He showed me is SO good, and SO freeing!! 

Holy Spirit showed me how I had stepped back into the grave of abandonment and how this was forming my thoughts and actions. He showed Jesus reaching out and pulling me out of the grave. Immediately followed with a big hug, a smile, and a tender amount of grace. 

Within the embrace He told me, “You are chosen. You are my delight. You are my daughter.” He pulled back and held my face within his hands and just looked at me. He looked at me with the deepest love, and grace. 

I am fully His. 

HOW FREEING. 

I grabbed my journal and wrote it all down, repented for stepping back into that old grave of lies, and praised Him for the breakthrough. Praised Him for grace, and for receiving the Spirit of Adoption.

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Later that night we went to worship. We worshipped with a couple of different squads from the world race, and I got to see my good friend Brook! (It’s just such a gift to worship with your people!) 

We sang the song- “what can wash away my sins, nothing but the blood of Jesus.” And it hit DIFFERENT. 

Different because I actually felt the shift of what had happened earlier in the day. 

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My name is Suzanne, and I am chosen, I am His daughter, and I am ready. Ready to run in my royalty that He has set upon me.

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JESUS I LOVE YOU!