anticipation

This in between time from training camp and launch has been so sweet and incredibly hard. 

Right before we left training camp our advisor told us that if we didn’t create space for Him, then this time would be HARD. 

And man, was she right. 

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These past weeks have been filled with a trip to Colorado with my sister, endless hangouts with the girls, and late night taco bell runs. (FRANCLUB ya get it) 

But, what about the space created for Papa? The time to actually rest from the emotional exhaustion from saying so many goodbyes? 

I found myself running from the truth, letting the pain of goodbyes set in, and allowing the lies take over. 

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The lies of: you’ll be replaced, forgotten, no one really needs you anymore, etc. etc. 

So dumb right? 

Yet, when you are not protecting yourself with the TRUTH, then you start to believe what the enemy is saying.

OH, and of course I tried to do it on my own. This brought me to a place of isolation and apathy. 

BUT THEN. Papa spoke loud and clear, saying, “Suzanne, what are you doing? Why are you doing this alone? I have been here the entire time, come back to me.” 

With tears flowing, I said okay. It’s time that I go back and stop running. 

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He spoke through Cami, Brook, Allie, and Ashley. These girls got it. They shared their own hurts and how Papa was speaking to them. 

With Cami, Brook and Al, we all felt the anticipation of leaving and the pain of saying goodbye/being in a place of HOW many more days do we have left!? And how do we make the most of this time while balancing all the emotions of leaving?

With Ashley, she listened. She listened to the pain, cried with me, and allowed me to just be. She made me laugh and affirmed this dream of being a missionary. 

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In reality, Papa spoke through these sweet friends by showing me that they didn’t look away. They didn’t look away when I reached out for help. 

And that is exactly what He is doing. 

He hasn’t looked away and He never will. 

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Cami shared this verse with us: 

“show me your face,

let me hear your voice;

for your voice is sweet, 

and your face is lovely. 

Catch for us the foxes, 

the little foxes

that ruin the vineyards,

our vineyards that are in bloom.” 

Song of Songs 2:14-15 

The little foxes that ruin the vineyards. What are the foxes that are trying to ruin this time of resting at home? 

• the pain of goodbyes
• being away from my community 
• lies 

After taking time to rest and ask Papa to open my eyes and heart to what was going on inside, these were the “foxes” that were clouding my mind. 

He kept saying, don’t look away. 

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Create space for Him. Whether you are about to launch for the World Race, in college, a mom, working, or whatever you are doing. Create space. 

Stop trying to do it on your own, and recognize that He is here. 

The pain you are facing is valid, but Papa has promised to never leave us. 

Face Him and see that he is holding your hand through it all. 

 

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