The pain of dwelling. Part one.
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
He refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
For his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
Through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
For you are with me;
Your rod and your staff ,
They comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
In the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow
me
All the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
Psalm 23
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My friend Abby is brave, thoughtful, and seeks the Lord with everything she has.
So it wasn’t a surprise when she sent me with a letter for every country while being on the race. ( eep! Love you abs)
Each letter is opened with anticipation, joy, and sometimes tears. You see, they aren’t just letters. These brown notecards hold a deep meaning.
Each month a letter is filled with scripture. A prayer. And last month, in Peru the letter was Psalm 23.
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At the end of this Psalm it says, “And I will DWELL in the house of the Lord forever.”
Dwell.
Earlier that day, J-mama and I were walking back down our dirt road from a logistics day, and talking about a word for the year.
The Lord clearly told me, dwell.
But what does it mean to dwell?
If you know me, then you know how hard it is for me to sit and be, to not want to do the next thing, or to just be alone with the Father.
For me dwell means to sit in his presence, to leave things at the Father’s throne, to be, to rest, and to be overcome by his peace.
And that it looks different for everyone. It doesn’t have to be this cute little spot in your living room, with four different candles burning. It could literally be on a boat, on the amazon basin, on the roof, while you watch the wildlife do its thing in the river.
Yeah. weird.
But, oh man! How sweet it is to be invited into a space with him daily.
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Yet.
It isn’t always so easy.
For me, there is a lot of pain that comes with dwelling.
Unwanted pain, visions that carry heaviness, and breaking deeply rooted lies from within.
The pain in dwelling: part 2
We live on a boat, in Bolivia, in a small town, with people sprinkled along the way, and a ton of chickens. ( the chickens like to have town meetings at 4 am)
So there aren’t any distractions, or places to run to.
The boat is a sweet place to dwell.
I was sitting near the kitchen, watching the rain hit the water, and attempting to dwell.
My mind was going on a thousand different rabbit trails, when he stopped me.
He gave me this vision:
Me running.
Running fast from something or someone.
I stopped, my hands holding my head.
It was stormy all around me, dark and rainy.
He let me see what was over me.
It was darkness,
In the darkness, there were different spirits attempting to torment me.
They were: the spirit of lust, the lies of not being enough, and the lies of being too much.
Yet.
Nothing could touch me.
The Father was all around me. He protected me.
Yet.
The heaviness was so deep. I couldn’t shake it off.
I tried to get through the morning of us cleaning the boat, but WOOF. It was still so heavy on my heart and mind.
Why did he show me this durning my time of dwelling with him?
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To be completely honest, this is still something I am processing through but I know that Papa allowed me to see this vision because he is trying to show me more of his faithfulness, more of what he has brought me through, more of the freedom I walk in.
He has been reminding me of these truths:
He is faithful.
I am faithful.
I am enough.
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Dwelling.
A sweet time of sitting in his presence, pain, and being reminded of how incredibly sovereign our Creator is.
